Disgrace

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Ill never open up again
My heart was slightly ajar but now it’s cemented shut again
I can never clearly express
All I bring people is pain, anger and distress
I want to try but its clear there’s no hope left in you
This entire time I thought my mind was clear to you
I saw things would change and for that I was prepared
But I wasn’t expecting to look in the mirror and see a disgrace standing there

Resist

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whats left to do when you feel like you dont exist
when you feel like you have no more energy to look pain in the eyes and simply resist
what do you do when you feel like you weren’t meant to be
when you feel like becoming your own boat and floating off to sea
what do you do when your mind goes into loops of the same pain
when sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror and you don’t feel the same
what do you do when you start to question yourself and who you are
when you want to be further away from earth than a shining star
what do you do when you fail at all attempts
when failure sees your name and just cant resist
what do you do when something you love becomes a source of pain
when pain is ready to shoot it finds your soul in which to aim
what do you do when you feel you’re a mistake
when you cant find it in you to resist the feeling of being a disgrace
what do you do when you don’t know how to put your feelings into anymore words
when the only thing you know about yourself is you just want to fly away with the birds

In Your Eyes

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you wont see or understand what i say until you want to
i never thought id feel like if i wanted to feel loved i couldnt come to you
you said youd never do it again and i believed you
you used to be the only one id come to but now nothing i say or do seems to reach you
ive seen you dissapear day by day
ive seen you stray away from the things youd say
its you pushing me away
never thought id be here
never thought youd wouldnt care
youre not yourself anymore
when i look into your eyes i dont know whos there

Fears

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As the blood slows in her veins while her heart beats at snail paced speeds
She no longer feels pain but feels she’s done a good deed
My hand touched her hair
In her eyes I saw a glare
In that glare I saw a memory of the past and wanted to go there
I saw a dream I once had
A place where it’s unheard of to be mad
A place where it’s impossible to be sad
There were lions and birds
They understood my words
I’m sure of it because they said words back
As I come back to reality I sit there in tears
Because losing you was always one of my number one fears