Nothing seems to excite me as much as going to sleep 

It’s like I leave this life and live a new one for weeks 

But it’s really just a few hours 

Just one long peaceful night 

Like I’ve won all the hard fought fights 

Dreams have become my safe haven 

They’ve become my only escape

When I’m awake I feel like I’m just craving it

Craving the feeling of complete and utter happiness running through my bones 

But it’s sucked away once I finally awake 

When I’m awake I’m awake my happiness is often taken from me 

Like watching my friend die and feeling my breath being taken from me

Like loving someone and watching them being taken from me 

I wonder if it’s bad that I’d rather be asleep these days 

I wondered if one day I’d get past this phase 

But 5 years later I still spend hours thinking about what I’ll dream about tonight 

About how when I’m asleep I no longer have to fight 

I’m at peace 

At ease 

I’m happy 

Then I wake up and thrown back into this world I so desperately want to escape

I’ve held in a lot of things that are breaking me as the days go on

But what’s the point of letting it go if more pain latches on 

My dreams give me a second chance

A second life 

There’s just so many things I wish I could do twice 

So many things I wish I could have never done 

I wondered why people were taken from my life when I needed them the most

I’m having a hard time accepting some things we’ll never know 

I guess tonight I’ll dream, enter another world and forget this place 

Until I awake back into this world and try to again mold that smile into my face 

It’s hard realizing what i want is actually what i need 

Only because what I need hates me