The small waves hitting my back and the sound of my heartbeat are in sync
I’ve reached a different level mentally I can’t feel myself breathe
I do know I am alive though
Death can’t be this blissful
Seagulls up above
Fish under my skin
The true definition of peace is this moment I’m in
The city skyline is just barely visible over the horizon
I don’t think these heights could be reached by pilots
Wave after wave
Splash after splash
There’s a wave forming
The size of a skyscraper
But I can’t move
Even knowing what’s going to happen after
The water grows louder
My mind goes dark
And this heavily populated beach is no longer crowded
It’s just me
50 feet away from a ten story wave
I let go of all things and let it take me away


Come Back


I don’t know when you left

I don’t remember the last time you were here

But I know when I look into a mirror I don’t see anyone that I know standing there

I see an empty body

With no soul inside

I do know why you left though

To avoid all the pain

To never face it again and never feel the same

But where has that left me?

The body with no one inside

It’s left you losing battles with your mind

The ones you used to win all the time

The ones where you would decide for us to to fight instead of sitting and letting the pain survive

I forgot how to love when you left

And how it feels to be loved by a person

I forgot how to trust someone please come back and have mercy

The things you saw and the things you went through are not as bad as the things I go through now only without you I don’t know what to do

I’m lost without you

I feel dead without you

Please come back and show me what to do

I’m just asking the soul that was once here to come back into this body and show me, the brain what to do

Richest Woman From Poverty


She grew up with challenges every day yet she prevailed

She walked through whatever life through at her with a smile whether it were rain, sleet or hail

She grew to be an independent woman no one could misguide or lead astray

Constantly climbing obstacles this thing called life would put in her way

She showed love to everyone she met

Her will to survive would insure you’d never lose a bet

She had a son at a young age in a rough part of her life

Did this in a rough part of Michigan but with two chances to fail she stood tall twice

She struggled for years to make it through with her son

So many restless nights

Working and working to provide a better life

For her son that she tucked in every night

This woman was hated for her strength on a  daily basis but never quit

Traps were set but she would never fall or trip

She grew to be a queen in his eyes

She made sure he was always loved, this child never cried

This is what what makes her rich, not her home or car she drives

This woman did things she didnt even know she was able to

When she made a decision her son was at the table too

They grew very close over the years as it was just the two of them

Living in poverty but rich in happiness

Her determination never wavered, her good spirit never left

Because she knew and loved the fact that her son was one good thing she had left

She was shunned by everyone but her only son

But that was enough for her to keep going and never take wrong turns

With every day that passed she taught this son how to be a man

All by herself i might add

She always believed a great father doesnt always need a dad

Handling every issue as if she had before

If you saw these two together you wouldn’t believe they were poor

She knew if a single mother could raise a beautiful son then that son could then raise another

He always knew his strong love for people came from his mother

She spent her life helping others so he wanted to do the same

He wanted to make sure he never had to question if she was proud of their last name

She was rich with a very pure soul

Teaching him things that would stick with this son until he grew old

Their love for one another is infinite

The way a mother and son ought to be

She showed this son you can have a million dollar soul and be rich in poverty




Do you know what its like dating emotions?

What its like spending every day looking for that perfect mix of a soothing potion?

One to give to your lover so that she knows you’ll always be there

Or one that stops her from fighting the fact that the thought is already there

See those who say depression is something people can control and erase have simply never lived through it

Those who say anxiety isn’t real have simply never panicked when someone asks if you love them even though both parties know the answer to it

My life is my child and soon to be wife

She knows i love her unconditionally but her mind just will not give up on this fight

“What if he leaves?”

“What do you mean? You know he loves you”

“I know its not likely at all but bad things do come true”

She argues with her mind throughout the day

But her mind can be put at ease for a while if i can find the right thing to say

Those are the moments i live for

Those are why if someone asks if im ever gonna leave my response is, ” first there has to be a door”

If we grew old and she grew sick i would be by her side supplying anything she needed from hugs, walks in the park to making her fall in love with me over and over again if she developed amnesia

Ill do whatever it takes to get through to her

Ill take her anywhere she feels like her soul is pushing her

I will be that rock she grabs when she feels like shes falling off of a cliff

I will be the one she always has no matter how rough it gets

She taught me how to love a woman and appreciate the light she brings into my life

It feels so perfect at 22 calling her my wife

This is my life

My life is perfect for me

Just always remember you are my life and its impossible for me to leave

When your mind says otherwise think of my voice

Telling you i love you and i would never live life without you no matter the second choice

Though there are constant battles in her mind that she feels like she will always lose

I just hope it is as clear for you as it is for me, this love can never be misconstrued



How Do You Know?


How does one truly know they’re in love?
Is it because you don’t fight with your mind when you tell someone you are?
Or maybe because you know you’d do anything for someone like jump in front of a moving car to save them?
For me, its much more complicated than that
For me, it has to backed up with mental and emotional facts
I know I love you because the thought of you makes me feel like the world isn’t as bad
Because feeling your skin on mine makes my mind go crazy with excitement, sometimes I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack
I know I love you because when I think into the future you’re the one there with me and the one ill always have
I know that my love for you is true because I know no one can or will take your place
It would be insane for someone to think they could
Your voice can take away any pain I have, it has before and I have never told you
You know your love for someone is true when your head is pounding and every sound or movement you make hurts but as soon as that person speaks the pain is through
Even when you’re sleeping and I look at you, you make me feel so good
What is love if this isn’t? I have to know before my time on this planet is through
If you truly believe in soul mates and the person you say those three words to live up to those in your mind then yes, you’re truly in love
Because if you were not you would be looking for the one who really deserves your love
When you think of a person and your mood is changed in a split second you have to be in love
If you can genuinely forgive someone for causing you pain, you must be in love
If there is a god, when I die and meet them the first thing I will do is thank them for letting you into my life
You make my life worth it
You make the image of love perfect
You make this world painless
What do you think of when someone asks you what pain is?
If you think of losing that person then yes, you have got to be in love
I never thought id be able to say this
I never thought the day would come where a person could make my life painless
You’re all I need in life
The perfect image of my wife
You’re only in love if I ask you would you die for that person and you can say yes without even thinking twice
You’re perfection, happiness and motivation all wrapped in one
Until you understand what you mean to me as you understand your name, my duties on this earth will never be done



Nothing seems to excite me as much as going to sleep 

It’s like I leave this life and live a new one for weeks 

But it’s really just a few hours 

Just one long peaceful night 

Like I’ve won all the hard fought fights 

Dreams have become my safe haven 

They’ve become my only escape

When I’m awake I feel like I’m just craving it

Craving the feeling of complete and utter happiness running through my bones 

But it’s sucked away once I finally awake 

When I’m awake I’m awake my happiness is often taken from me 

Like watching my friend die and feeling my breath being taken from me

Like loving someone and watching them being taken from me 

I wonder if it’s bad that I’d rather be asleep these days 

I wondered if one day I’d get past this phase 

But 5 years later I still spend hours thinking about what I’ll dream about tonight 

About how when I’m asleep I no longer have to fight 

I’m at peace 

At ease 

I’m happy 

Then I wake up and thrown back into this world I so desperately want to escape

I’ve held in a lot of things that are breaking me as the days go on

But what’s the point of letting it go if more pain latches on 

My dreams give me a second chance

A second life 

There’s just so many things I wish I could do twice 

So many things I wish I could have never done 

I wondered why people were taken from my life when I needed them the most

I’m having a hard time accepting some things we’ll never know 

I guess tonight I’ll dream, enter another world and forget this place 

Until I awake back into this world and try to again mold that smile into my face 

It’s hard realizing what i want is actually what i need 

Only because what I need hates me 

The Hole (Sample)


I started out on my own. Trying to find out where to go. First I was looking for food then it became looking for somewhere to go so that If I slept or fell asleep I wouldn’t have to worry about being attacked. 

For about a week I was struggling to survive. Killing the undead and having to move to a new spot due to being woken up in the middle of the night by a zombie that was just walking and moaning near my area or one that kind of snarls and moves and acts like a human. I finally started to find some houses in a neighborhood with scraps of  food still in them fresh enough for me to eat. I found a path or trail to go to, it started on the roof of a house and someone had built bridges leading to a hole about 6 feet high on a wall of dirt and rocks. I got into the hole and it led me to voices I heard. I kept following them as it went deeper underground and when I got there I saw a group of people sitting and eating. They all stopped and stared at me. 

I asked, “how long have you guys been down here?” 

And an older man, maybe in his 50s said, 

“About two months. Have you been alone since the dawn?” 

At this point I was just losing more and more energy by the second and was extremely hungry and light headed. The effort I had to put into getting through the trail made me feel like I was going to faint any second. But I still managed to speak.

“Dawn? I’ve been out here on my own for about a week. I don’t remember what got me here. The last thing I remember is going to sleep. I was talking to my mom the night before”—( I break down a little thinking that I still don’t know where she is and after I calm down I start speaking again) 

“I saw her the night before and laid in bed and watched tv until I fell asleep. Then I woke up in an empty house with no one else there, no food, no water and not a single soul around me. I was alone” 

Once I lift my head back up to finally make eye contact with him again I see everyone is still looking at me. This time with the same look on their face, a look of awe and disbelief. 

A young girl stood up and walked over to me carrying a cup of water. She was white with black hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a black t shirt with holes and you could see the scratch marks on her skin through them. Her jeans were black and had holes in them as well 

“Here, drink this. You look like you haven’t had anything to drink in days.” 

I reached out my shaking hand to grab the cup. My entire body went from scorching hot from the summer sun to ice cold once I touched the cup. I felt a single drop of  water on the outside of the cup run down my hand as I lifted the cup up just to watch it slide down so slowly. I’m brought back to reality when she speaks again. 

“Are you going to drink it?”

“Yes I’m sorry I’m just a little weak is all. Thank you”

I finally lift the cup to my lips and drink the water, my throat hurts while I’m drinking it but I can’t stop because at the same time it feels so good to finally have fresh cold water.  

“How long have you guys been here and how did you build that trail to get here?” 

The man looks at everyone else who besides the girl still has the same look on their face and are frozen still. He then looks at me. 

“It started out as just a hobby between my son and I but after what happened I lost him in a fight with walkers. I looked for him for weeks and couldn’t find him. But the trail,  it felt like God sending me a message to finish  it now and to not wait. So I found some help and got most of it done with the help of a young boy named Henry but after about three days of working he kept saying he could hear these faint voices coming from the distance. By the 5th Day I was working on the hole and Henry couldn’t reach it so when I wasn’t looking he ran away. I had been working for maybe about an hour. Going back and forth on the hole not even realizing the sun going down more and more and that there was no voice behind me anymore. I turned around and called for him. I didn’t hear a yell back so i walked around our camp to find him. I didn’t. I… Started waking further from the camp and I heard a growl louder than I had ever heard in my life. I couldn’t move after hearing it. It scared me almost lifeless. Then I heard a scream…”

He paused and started to cry. 

The girl who gave the water walked to him and held his arm. 

“George, you don’t have to go that far right now. It’s okay.”

The man exhales, he exhales harder than I’ve ever thought possible. 

The girl looks at me and exhales as well. 

“Okay you need to get some energy, I’m sure you’re about to pass out. We have plenty of food and drink to go around and adding another soul won’t hurt. Am I right?”

She turns to the group and they all nod and start to chatter.  I follow her over to the table and sit down 

“So how long have you guys been here?

“We’ve been here for months, what’s your name?” 

“I’m Alan. What’s yours?” 

“My name is Amy.” 

She hands me a plate just clean enough for me to see my face in the reflection. My hair is no longer straight and long, it’s short and dirty. I can see grass and dirt all over my face. 

“Man I look a mess”

She laughs. 

” I was thinking the same but didn’t want to be the first one to say it. But it’s okay we can get you all cleaned up. Would you rather eat or clean yourself up first?”

I look at the table of food, the bottles of water and what appears to be lemonade. 

” I wanna get cleaned up first if you don’t mind”

She laughs a little again and grabs my hand. 

“Not at all. I’ll walk you over to the bathing area.”

As she walks me to get cleaned I realize how big this place is. Once you reach the hole you crawl about half a mile in at an angle. Then once you reach the end there’s a maybe 3 foot drop and you walk through what seems to be a doorway. Once you’re inside it looks like a dining room of a mansion but built in a cave. There’s tons of lights sitting on the floor in boxes and food and water are in what seems to be small sections or maybe rooms. 

Once we get to the bathing area I see towels on a wooden container. Next to it lays a small box of what looks like soap. 

“So here you are Alan, go ahead and get cleaned up. There are towels, our own made soap and extra clothes for you over there in the corner. Don’t worry about cleaning up the water. It’s fine if you leave some on the ground, were in a cave.” 

I laughed and thanked her.  As I turned around she touched my shoulder.  

“I know it was rough out there on your own. They saved me. I was on my own too for a long time. I thought I was going to die out there. I killed walkers and managed to run away from a breather. While I was running I fell into one of George’s traps. He saw me and helped me out of it and walked me to the hole after we got more supplies. Don’t worry. He knows how important it is to stick together. We’ve never been more than 4 or 5 feet apart when we’re out there. You’ll be at home with us.” 

I can’t explain how good it felt to hear that last sentence come out of her mouth and into my mind. I had felt scared, lost and alone for so long but once she said that I felt all worry being lifted from inside. The things I had to do on my own, the nights I spent with my heart racing trying to sleep without being mauled and not even waking up to know it. It just felt good to feel at home.